If you're confused by the term "strap-on sex," then this guide is for you. I'll explain, in clear and easy-to-understand language, what strap-on sex is, the equipment involved, and how beginners typically get started.
What is strap-on sex?
Simply put, strap-on sex refers to sexual activity using a strap-on dildo (often called a strap-on). A strap-on is a fake penis (dildo) that is attached to the body using a harness or special underwear, allowing the wearer to use it for penetrative sex with a partner.
Strap-on sex is not dependent on gender, sexual orientation, or biological anatomy. What's important is that both partners consent and feel comfortable.
What Equipment Is Used in Strap Sex?
Here's a simple step-by-step explanation, written specifically for those who have never used this type of device before.
1. The "Dildo" in a Strap-on Dildo
This is the insertable part – usually made of silicone. It's shaped like a penis, and comes in different lengths, thicknesses, and firmness levels. Some have smooth surfaces, while others are slightly textured.If you would like to learn more about the classification and history of dildos, please refer to the Wikipedia article on "Strap-on dildo."
For beginners, a medium-sized, soft silicone dildo is usually the best choice. The dildo needs to be used with a harness, as it can't stay in place on its own.
2. The "Harness" in a Strap-on Dildo
The harness is used to secure the dildo to the body.
Common types include:
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Traditional strap-on harness. Adjustable straps that wrap around the waist and
thighs, popular with beginners.
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Strap-on panties. Looks like underwear with an opening in the front. More comfortable than a traditional harness, but less adjustable, though easier to wear.
It's important to note that there are two main ways to wear a strap-on dildo:
- Two-piece.The dildo and harness are purchased separately.
- One-piece.The dildo is already attached to the harness and can be worn directly.
Many starter kits sell the dildo and harness together for convenience for beginners.
3. Dildo Classification
Dildos can be classified from two dimensions:
• Form Dimension
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Single-ended dildo. The standard type, with only one end inserted into the receiving partner. Beginners can start with a single-ended dildo.
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Double-ended strap-on dildo. One end is inserted into the receiving partner, and
the other end is inserted into the wearer. Still requires a harness for stability.
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Strapless dildo. Does not require a harness. The wearer relies on their own muscles to hold the dildo in place.Flexible but stability depends on muscle strength and posture, not recommended for first-time users.
• Function Dimension
- No extra functions.
- Vibration function. Includes a small vibrator inside or near the wearer.
Vibration is just an added feature and not essential. Strap-on sex can be successfully performed even without a vibration function.
Who uses strap-on sex?
There's a common misconception that strap-on sex is only for lesbian couples. This isn't accurate. Sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller points out that even in happy and healthy relationships, it's common to be interested in new sexual experiences. Trying new things doesn't mean there's a problem in the relationship—curiosity is normal.
The following people can all use strap-on sex: same-sex couples, heterosexual couples, couples facing erectile dysfunction, couples curious about new sexual practices, and long-term couples seeking variety in their sex lives.
Is Strap Sex the Same as BDSM?
No.Strap sex does not automatically involve dominance, submission, or power play.Some people combine strap-ons with role play, but many couples use strap-ons in a calm, affectionate, everyday sexual context. The equipment itself does not define the dynamic.
Beginner Tips
This is my first time buying a strap-on dildo; here are 5 things beginners should consider.
- Start with a smaller dildo than you think you need
- Use plenty of lubricant
- Adjust the harness slowly before use
- Communicate during use, not just before
- Treat the first time as practice, not a goal
Sexual health organizations like Planned Parenthood consistently stress that comfort and consent matter more than technique.
Are double-ended dildos suitable for beginners?
Double-ended dildos allow both the wearer and the recipient to experience internal stimulation simultaneously, but they still require straps for securing, making them more complex to wear and control than single-ended ones. Sexologist Lehmiller suggests that beginners should start with single-ended dildos to familiarize themselves with wearing and communication before trying double-ended ones.If you want to learn how to choose the right strap-on dildo, you can check out our couple's strap-on dildo buying guide.
How to prevent a dildo from slipping?
First, ensure the straps are adjusted to the correct tightness, use non-slip materials or extra securing rings, and gradually explore different positions. Planned Parenthood suggests that beginners should practice wearing and using the dildo in non-sexual situations before actual use.
Cleaning and Other Precautions
When using a strap-on dildo, in addition to mastering the techniques of wearing and choosing the right one, cleaning and safety are also very important.
1. Cleaning the dildo. Choose a dildo made of medical-grade silicone, glass, or metal, and wash it with warm water and unscented soap or a specialized sex toy cleaner before and after use. If the dildo has a detachable strap, cleaning them separately will ensure better hygiene.
2. Safety. If you plan to use it interchangeably in the vagina and anus, it is recommended that you wear a condom and pay extra attention to the cleaning procedure.
